Last night’s vote made as much sense to me as the movie Short Circuit. I mean, seriously. First, Steve Guttenberg thinks that Number 5 isn’t alive. He’s convinced. He is up all night with him on the mountain top trying to figure it all out. And then, in the morning, he tells him that “priest, minister, rabbi” joke and Number 5 laughs and then, BAM! Oh, I totally believe him now. He is alive! I was always left wondering, “How the hell does Steve Guttenberg keep getting in movies?” See what I did there?
The show began last night with the Ravu tribe, or as I have so cleverly nicknamed them, “that terrible, horrible sorry excuse for a tribe,” complaining about having no water and no food. We have all seen this before, but they really took it to a whole new level. I haven’s heard this much complaining since…ummm…since…errmmm….since that one time everyone complained about something really super bad that happened. Wow, I really suck at doing things.
In order to hydrate themselves, that terrible, horrible sorry excuse for a tribe (see? It works well) had succumbed to licking water droplets off leaves. Copland was all, “Half of us can't even stand up for more than an hour and a half I'm telling you. It's crazy! We're stahvin here, bro. I would love some Bacahdi and to watch some wicked pissa’ hockey and eat some baked beans and BOSTON STEREOTYPE BOSTON STEREOTYPE BOSTON STEREOTYPE BOSTON STEREOTYPE BOSTON STEREOTYPE BOSTON STEREOTYPE BOSTON STEREOTYPE BOSTON STEREOTYPE BOSTON STEREOTYPE BOSTON STEREOTYPE BOSTON STEREOTYPE”
Back at Moto, they are still the Silver Spoons to Ravu’s Good Times. Get it? Because one has a lot of stuff and the other is just “hangin’ in a chow line.” Pop culture reference = LOLZZ!!!!1111/// Also, Boo is much less like Casper and more like Baby Huey. He hurt himself about a gajillion times lastnight. First he jabbed his eye with a sign. Then he cut himself with an ax. Then the hammock broke and he fell. Then he burnt himself with an iron while Moe hit him on the back of the head with a frying pan. Nyuk-Nyuk! He’s so clumsy, he would…BOO! Ahh, you got me, you crafty fool!
After spending a night on exile island, the Joker returned to the Ravu camp to hurt me with her face. I don’t know why, but she is super hard to look at. Also, Yao Ming said this, “When Sylvia came back from Exile Island, I have only one thing in mind… When I'm hugging her I'm going to feel her up and see if the idol is there." Yeah, I have used the old ‘immunity idol’ line myself once or twice. Yao, you devil! BASKETBALL!!!!
Additionally, the Joker is bossy. Duh! He’s a crime BOSS. How’d they not see that coming?
While picking fruit with OLD GUY#1, Dreamz (the male cheerleading coach) was all, “hey, this is better than being homeless...and sleeping in cars…and blah blah yappity flappity” God, ok…enough already. We get it. You were homeless. Let it go, man. Although he did say his mom smoked crack. I think an important lesson was learned last night. Moms – If you smoke crack, your sons will probably grow up to be…Kelly Kapowski. I guess its better than them growing up to become Screech…or Alex. She totally ruined the show.
Ravu, still hungry, went foraging for food and we got a glimpse into the surroundings around their camp. While Moto has an abundance of fruit and life around them, Ravu got diddly. Iddlty. Fiddly-middly….sorry, it’s a sickness. I don’t understand. Aren’t the basically in the same place. Does the Probst hate this tribe so much as to burn all life around their camp. He is an evil bastard. And he’s just so smug. Erica found pineapples, though. How long do pineapples keep? Do they last long? Or do you have to get rid of them after, oh I don’t know, 6 days? Ooooooh….foreshadowing.
The challenge was for both a reward and immunity. The reward was fishing gear and a flint for fire. The immunity was immunity. The Probst was a big jerk. The challenge consisted of going in a boat to get crates and then building a flag out of the contents of the crates. Also, the winning tribe gets to send a member of the losing tribe to Exile Island. SNAKES!!!
Ravu had the lead for a while and then, when it came to the puzzle part, they started to lose it. Erica was screaming and the Joker continued to disturb me. Guess who lost. I’ll give you a hint. They are terrible at doing everything, especially puzzles…and catching that wily Batman! Yup, Ravu. You’re very intelligent.
Moto chose Earl to go to Exile Island. While on Exile Island, Earl muttered to himself, “You know the guy who is always on the losing tribe? The guy who kills snakes just for looking at him funny and doesn’t really do anything interesting on the show and is really really boring and hungry? Well, that’s me. My name is Earl.” Hey, that is a reference to a show on television!! He didn’t really say that, but he did kill a snake. It would have been cool if he then said, “GET THESE M.F.’ING SNAKES OFF MY ISLAND” because it would have been just like that movie. You know the one. That one that was just out in the movies. Something on a Plane. Oh, its on the tip of my tongue. Damn, don’t tell me. I’ll get it.
So now Ravu was left to pick someone to vote off. At first, everyone was like, “vote off the joker.” But then, some people wanted to get rid of Erica because she was strong and a threat and yelled at them and made them pee their pants. Voting off strong people at this stage of the game always works. Those teams always do well. Does sarcasm come through in emails? Anthony tried to get the team to side with him and stick with voting the Joker off. “He tried to poison the entire city of Gotham with giant balloons!” Anthony told Michelle.
In the end, though, it didn’t work and Erica was voted off.
Until next time…
Out-complain, Out-suck, and Out-love-that-joker,
Wayne
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