First off, let me apologize for not sending out a recap last week. I was at death’s door. Thank God, death went to Flagstaff and said he’d be back on Monday. What a worm.
O God, ease our suffering in this, our moment of great dispair. Yea, admit this kind and decent woman into thy arms of thine heavenly area, up there. And Moab, he lay us upon the band of the Canaanites, and yea, though the Hindus speak of karma, I implore you: give her, give her a break.
I know. I can’t believe you missed this either.
Anyways, last night’s episode left me wondering which tribe I hated worst. I am really having a hard time being ok with anyone on that show being alive. It’s like watching a baseball game between the Yankees and Polio. In the end, I guess I’d just sort of wish for a stadium flood to wipe them all out.
The show began with Earl and Yao Ming discussing the hidden immunity idol. They decide to team up to try and find it. I guess Yao Ming is a step up from his brother Randy, who is always hilariously bumbling. Joy is pretty. Hey, also…I wouldn’t trust Yao. Ever since he faked not being able to speak English in front of Marge Simpson so he didn’t have to clear the table, he has been a little suspect to me.
To help Yao find the idol, Earl asked the tribe to “go somewhere that’s not here so that we can’t be here and Yao Ming can be so that he can be alone.” Everyone, being one tamale short of a Honda Civic (hm?), thought it sounded like a great idea. Then, Anthony and Earl made love on a mountain top while Yao Ming proved basketball players can’t dig. No hidden idol this week.
Even in Survivor-land, they get junk mail. Tree mail brought each tribe a catalog. The tribe members were asked to choose two items they would want to win for the reward challenge among things such as cookies and milk, coffee, fishing gear, chocolate cake, etc. Rocky V wanted chocolate cake. Now, remember, Ravu had absolutely nothing. And he wanted to get the chocolate cake instead of, say, fishing gear. Rocky V is even worse than I remember.
At the reward challenge, the devil, er, Probst, er, devil unveiled what each tribe chose. Ravu went with fishing gear and potatoes. Moto chose coffee and toiletries. Winner takes all. In a grudge match. One-ON-ONE! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! YOUR TICKET MAY PAY FOR THE WHOLE SEAT, BUT YOU’LL ONLY NEED THE EDGE! GRAVEDIGERRRRR VERSUS BIG FOOT! KIDS’ TICKETS ARE STILL ONLY TEN BUCKS! DON’T MISS IT!
Whoa, sorry about that. The challenge was total American Gladiators, minus the performance-enhancing drugs, protein powder, and Zap. Survivors would square off against one another in a mud-surrounded ring and, using padded bags, fight sumo-style and try to knock each other into the mud.
Dreamz laughed at the possibility of winning yet another piece of fishing gear. This angered Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over, so he told Dreamz to bring it. And here I was, my hate of that awful Bostonian forcing me to root…for…a…male cheerleading coach. I felt so dirty. Regardless, Dreamz (the ‘z’ is so gangsta…SPIRIT FINGERS!) knocked Daylight out of the ring faster than that fat Cobra Kai guy. Seriously, what was up with that guy? No way Kreese would let him in his dojo. YOU’RE THE BEST AROUND…NOTHIN’S GONNA EVER KEEP YOU DOWN!
I am just gonna say what everyone knows already – Ravu lost. Yes, they are awful. Also, Yao Ming beat on a woman. Man, basketball players.
Back at the Moto camp, Stacy and Lisi decided to be rude to Dreamz and Cassandra because they weren’t in their alliance and wouldn’t help them use the French press they won. They were seriously very rude. Alex “smelled” trouble. Get it? Because he has a big nose. These are the jokes, folks. He didn’t see a point in being rude to them because if there was a merge, those two could easily switch and win majority. Ed-tardo also took his break from blending into the scenery to say he didn’t like it.
Now, Lisi. How can she feel so comfortable in her place there. We are all pretty sure when it comes down to it, you’re the first one gone out of that group. Lisi, every group has an ugly, annoying chick. If you look around and can’t find her, you’re it. Yup, you’re Andrea Zuckerman.
Back at Ravu, the guys were annoyed with Rita and Michelle having personalities. I guess they talked too much. “The whole lip gloss and go thing just ain’t my thing,” said Driven, “things are things with things who have things.” He also said he would smack them with a fried pineapple. I need his address, soon.
The immunity challenge was basically a game of Memory with tribe members flipping over boards containing either words or numbers and then trying to match them up with other boards which also featured words or numbers, with some non-matching boards thrown in. Why yes, it was boring. It came down to tribes being tied. Tango & Cash was Ravu’s last hope (see where this is going?) He flipped over a 9. Now, on the last turn, someone just flipped over the other 9. Like 1 minute ago. Nope, he didn’t find it. How is he still on the show? Seriously.
Back at camp, Get Carter got real: “Bro, look bro. I blew it. But, people were all talking to me. And I get confused. Bro. look. Bro. Bacahdi. Hahvahd. Pahk the cah. Hockey. Baked beans. The Red Sox. Bro. Look. Bro.”
In the end, his superb speaking skills won and they voted out Rita. She seemed pretty shocked, but said, “I leave this game feeling very proud. I just hope that I made my kids proud because that's the main reason that I did this.” Yes, I am sure the constant blurring of your breasts made them immensely proud.
Until next time
Out-talk a big game, Out-suck at all the challenges, and Out-please vote out Copland,
Wayne
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment