So, last night’s episode was definitely my favorite so far this season. But, let’s not get all crazy now. I mean, that’s like saying, “Out of all of them, this is probably my favorite Pauly Shore movie” or “You know, this one, this one right here is probably the most enjoyable kidney stone I passed.” In case you’re wondering, the movie would probably be Son-in-Law and the kidney stone, well, I haven’t had the pleasure yet, but my favorite will probably be named Mick Jagger.
We’re off to a smashing start.
The show began with Mookie and Kelly Kapowski looking positively creepy in Paris Hilton vision talking about the vote they just endured. Mookie was a little upset with Kelly Kapowski because he felt that KK really screwed them by voting for Michelle. Also, Alex asking Mookie to alternate the immunity idol between the Four Sparkly Unicorns (running gags=LOLZ!!!1111) further added fuel to Mookie’s fire. You know, I haven’t liked Mookie from the start and I think I finally figured out why. Everytime I hear his name, it makes me think of Mokey, my least favorite Fraggle. She was the dirty hippie Fraggle. I bet if a tribe member reminded me of Junior Gorg, I would have liked them a lot more. No, wait…Lisi was actually very Gorg-like and I still wished her maimed. Well, maybe if one of them reminded me of the Trash Heap, then…nope, still Lisi.
When everyone returned to camp, Earl was a bit taken aback to see no Michelle. BOO! meanwhile saw this as an opportunity to join up with Earl and his ragtag bunch as a swing vote. You know the guy who is now considering this? The guy who doesn’t know if he can count on this guy, but really sees this alliance as a necessity? Well, that’s me. My name is…BOOO!!!! Gotcha!
The reward challenge required all the Survivors to answer questions privately about their fellow tribe members and then they would all have to vote publicly on who they think the majority voted for. The ones who got it right would then be able to smash one of the three towers belonging to another tribe member. Once your tower was smashed you were out. The questions were opinion-based type questions. Who smells the worst? Who would you trust with your life? Who would you not want to take home to a family dinner? Who do you wish would disappear faster than Neve Campbell? Seriously, whatever happened to her? She was everywhere for a little bit and then, bam, nothing. I suppose the world realized that she wasn’t as hot as she thought she was and that dramatic pauses (“Bailey. Our. Parents. Are. Dead. My God.”) do not an actress make. I assume her resume looks something like this:
1994 – 2000: Party of Five (Julia Salinger): Learned to pause dramatically when learning about parent's death, brother's alcoholism, or the ability of my boyfriend to also pause dramatically
1996: Scream (Sidney Prescott): paused dramatically referencing my mom's death to a greasy Skeet Ulrich, paused dramatically even with a knife to my throat, paused dramatically before punching out Courtney Cox
1997: Scream 2 (Sidney Prescott): Dramatic pauses. Dramatic pauses. Dramatic pauses. Dramatic pauses. Dramatic pauses
1998: Scream 3 (Sidney Prescott): Looking like monkey
2006: Wendy’s (as myself): Paused dramatically while asking, “Would you like fries with that?”
(aside: see Franke? I did it.)
Wow, that was a tangent. Back to our regularly scheduled nonsensical rant…
So, yeah, they all answered the questions privately and the results were (not) startling. Most would trust Earl. Alex thought he was more in control than he actually is. Kelly Kapowski smells. Everyone hates Stacy. Yao Ming is most likely to score a triple-double.
Cassandra won. Being boring enables you to soak a lot in. Funny, she wasn’t an answer to anything. I suppose if the question were, “who is the most like a rock or lump of dirt?” Cassandra would be the hands-down winner. So she won a barbecue and a night aboard a 70-foot luxury yacht, along with the ability to bring 3 people. She chose Yao Ming, BOO!, and Kelly Kapowski. She also got to send Mookie to Unbelievably Populated With Snakes Island, for which he is none too pleased. Dance your cares away…worries for another day…You know who I liked? Boober. There. I said it.
Over on Hissy Snake Island, Mokey seethed with vitriol for Cassandra. He vows to take out her entire alliance and her in the process. Damn dude…relax. He actually says, “I just need to get in touch with the Four Horsemen and then…” I hope he gets a lot of fists to his jaw for that line when he gets home.
Cassandra’s choice of shipmates actually made sense. She needed to try and read both BOO! and Kelly Kapowski in order to strengthen her alliance and Yao Ming? Well, he just likes to party. On the boat, she realizes that while BOO!’s brain seems like an empty non-cooked clay bowl ready to be molded into her likeness, Kelly Kapowski is as hard to read as Valerie Malone. Like, first you think she hates Kelly (Taylor), right, and then she buys her that really nice sweater for Christmas. She’s an enigma, alright.
When they get back on the island, Earl ends up catching Kelly Kapowski scheming with Alex. This makes Earl very wary of Kelly Kapowski. Sensing this, Kelly Kapowski tells Earl, Cassandra, and Yao Ming that Mokey has one of the hidden immunity idols. It seems Kelly Kapowski is just not cut out for this game. He should stick to what he knows – cheering, A.C. Slater, and being in most of the posters hanging up in my room.
Next up, the immunity challenge. THE FALLEN ANGEL (best Poison song ever!!) explains that the Survivors will have to use their arms to brace themselves between two walls, while their feet are positioned on very narrow footholds. Every 30 minutes Survivors will step down to an even smaller foothold. Last person left standing wins. My wife totally called the winner here. It came down at the end to BOO! and Yao Ming, with the basketballer winning out probably because he only has to hold up about 52 pounds. I was surprised that Kelly Kapowski didn’t fare better. Being a ballerina should really keep you pretty balanced up there. Hmm? Oh, right a male cheerleading coach. Eh, is there really a difference? Me being either would have caused my parents to cry themselves to sleep every night, so you say tomato…know what I mean?
Now, here was where it got interesting. See if you can stay with me here. Coming back from camp believing Stacy to be on their side, Mokey goes right after Earl, hopefully taking out the immunity idol, which he believes Earl to have since he has been to SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSNAKE ISLAND so much. However, after chatting with Stacy about where her alliances lay, Alex feels uneasy. Meanwhile, the Earl-led alliance (including Kelly Kapowski) make the decision to go after Alex. Knowing this, Kelly Kapowski goes back to Ed-tardo and says that Mokey needs to give Alex the immunity idol. Mokey reluctantly agrees. After thinking about it, the Four Sparkly Unicorns decide to go after Cassandra in case Earl does have the idol and decides to use it. Now, Kelly Kapowski then goes back to the Earlliance (heh) and tells them that Alex now has the hidden immunity idol, forcing them to decide on voting out Mokey to catch them off guard. However, not totally trusting Kelly Kapowski, Earl, Cassandra, Yao Ming, BOO!, and Stacy decide to vote off Ed-tardo to avoid any double-cross.
Wow, is it weird to feel out of breath after writing a paragraph?
Anyways, at tribal council, Alex ends up smugly playing the immunity idol. As the votes are read off, SATAN has carefully made sure all of Cassandra’s votes are read off first, creating a false sense of security for the Unicorns, only to follow it up with the one Mokey vote (by Kelly Kapowski) and then drop the hammer with all the Ed-tardo votes. This actually made my wife and I look at each other and say, “look at their faces!” and then we both punched me in the gut for being such a loser. Hey, she’s pregnant so I took the punishment for both of us.
So, yes Ed-tardo is gone and we say goodbye to my high-larious joke of replacing the ‘g’ in his name with a ‘t’. Goodbye hilarious replacing ‘g’ with ‘t’ joke.
Until next time
Out-scheme, Out-scramble, and Out-play both sides
Wayne
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment