The episode began with Alex and Mokey basically talking about how screwed they are right now and how they were stabbed in the back by Kelly Kapowski. I think they were surprised because Kelly was always such a good friend at Bayside. But they must have forgotten about how much of a bad girl she became when she moved to Beverly Hills. She even smoked a joint…remember? Or how about when she was in that movie Son-In-Law with Pauly Shore? She not only took a lot of her clothes off, but she totally pretended that Crawl hooked up with her that night after that big fat farmhand drugged him. Oh please. You know you saw Son-in-Law. Don’t judge me.
Meanwhile, Kelly Kapowski himself was feeling betrayed because of the last minute voting switch within the Earlliance from Mokey to El-tardo. Stacy and Earl explained to him that they switched at the last minute because they were worried that Mokey may have the immunity idol and Alex and Mokey were lying to Kelly Kapowski. And Kelly Kapowski fell for that. He explained, “At first I feel they didn't trust me but then they came to me and then let me know that they just changed it just in case Mookie pulled out the Immunity Idol. I was comfortable after that." He does understand that they still had to come together and make this decision, right? And left him out of the discussion? You mean male cheerleaders aren’t all that smart? I suppose the next thing you’re going to tell me is being a male cheerleader isn’t a wise career choice. Whatever, man. Keep living in your button-down, plastic fantastic world of cubicles and coffee mugs. Me and Kelly Kapowski? We got some spirit fingers to wave.
I guess Kelly Kapowski was so lost in his delusion that he decided to try and invite Mokey and Alex to his party on the banks of denial. Kelly Kapowski tried to say that he was also outwitted last night. It’s not all that far fetched. I am pretty sure on his Match.com profile, Kelly Kapowski lists “being outwitted” alongside “being part of a human pyramid,” “watching Bring it On,” and “going to the Maxx for burgers with my friends” as things he does in his spare time. Alex and Mokey didn’t buy it though.
Arriving at a big field o’ mud, THE FALLEN ONE explains that the reward challenge will involve balls…and lots of ‘em. The tribe had to break up into two teams, with one member from each team launching balls into the air while everyone else tried to catch them with a basket. Each time someone catches a ball, they score a point for their team. It was Yao Ming launching to his team of Mokey, Cassandra, and BOO! and Stacy launching to Earl, Alex, and Kelly Kapowski. During the game, there was a lot of pushing and shoving and Cassandra took a break from blending into the scenery to put a sleeper hold on Earl. Then, when he was out, she pulled out some shears and cut his hair, a la Brutus “the Barber” Beefcake. Best. Move. Ever. Plus, he wore zebra-striped spandex a lot. Yep, in professional wrestling, that was considered cool. It was also considered cool in Van Halen. And my living room.
Anyways, once Cassandra stepped up the physicalities, people started going nuts…leading to (surprise, surprise) BOO! hurting himself. He fell down, made sounds like that grape-stomping lady, and said he thought he tore his ACL. After a quick visit from the Survivor medical team, he stood up and straightened his leg, which caused a loud POP! noise. Like really loud. You remember those little guys you would get that would be on a spring and have a suction cup on their butt. You would push them down and they would stick for like a second and then, POP!, they would fly into the air? I had a Donald Duck one, I remember, and I would play with that for hours. And hours. So much so that it worried my parents. The doctor said that, surprisingly, my mind seemed healthy and I was just probably a loser with no friends. My mom agreed and swiftly paid off some neighborhood kids to hang out with me. And that was the best summer of my life.
THE END
BOO!
BOO!
Gotcha!
Anyways, he was ok after that nasty pop noise but ended up losing which sent Earl, Stacy, Alex, and Kelly Kapowski off to a day at the spa and gave us the treat of about a dozen close-up shots of Olay Ribbons Body Wash. Spare no expense, Burnett. Spare no expense. They also sent BOO! to Super Duper Snake Island in the hopes that his knee will prevent him from escaping a snake attack. Also, where did BOO! get that hat? Is there an airbrusher on the island? If so, he should have opted for the BOO!
At the spa, we got to watch Earl wash the mud out of his armpits. As nasty as it was, it made me glad Lisi was already voted off because watching Earl wash mud out of his armpits is a lot better than Lisi washing small insects out of her BACK FAT! Anyone eating breakfast right now? Enjoying it?
When everyone returned, Alex and Mokey had some alone time. How did they spend it? Sleazily. Figuring Yao Ming had the idol, they rummaged through his shorts pockets and found it. Now, I expected this sort of thing from Alex, but Mokey? She’s a Fraggle. And a hippie. Man, Fiji changes you. So, Alex and Mokey make their way to a quiet part of the jungle to discuss their next move. The problem? Stacy and Cassandra are already there. Before Alex and Mokey come upon them, Cassandra said something like, “I am only doing this with you because you’re the only other girl on the island.” Seriously. If they weren’t interrupted, I pretty much expected this to evolve into some sort of Cinemax movie. Wait, Cinemax is that channel where they show those movies with really unattractive people eating pineapple, right? Ohhhh…my mistake. That’s the Sundance Channel. But, hearing Alex and Mokey coming, Cassandra and Stacy crouch behind some bushes and listen.
So, Alex and Mokey, thinking they are alone, start talking about declaring to everyone that Yao Ming has the idol at tribal council. The conversation went like this:
Mokey: “We should totally tell everyone he has the idol at tribal council”
Alex: “Yeah, we would really blow up his spot”
Mokey: “I think that everyone would be really mad if they found out he had it”
Alex: “Yeah, that would totally blow up his spot.”
Mokey: “So, tonight I’ll ask him, ‘Yao, are you going to use your idol’ in front of everyone”
Alex: “Aw yeah…blow up his spot”
Mokey: “This one night, I got wasted on doozer structures and hooked up with Wembley in the Gorg’s garden”
Alex: “…”
Alex: “…”
Alex: “blow up his spot.”
But, in true horror movie fashion, Stacy shifts and CRACK! A stick breaks. Alex hears this and sees them crouched down and then informs Mokey of their presence. Becoming frazzled, they decide to approach Yao Ming immediately and confront him about the idol. Stacy and Cassandra are left behind muttering, “I don’t know. They said something about an idol. And then Yao Ming. And then approaching him. I guess Mokey is a big basketball fan.” Yeah, they had no idea what the two of them said.
But, paranoid, Mokey and Alex decided to blow up his spot right then and there. They told Yao that they found the idol in his shorts. To which Yao basically replied, “And?” Seriously, what kind of strategy is this? Let’s tell everyone we rummaged through an old guy’s shorts and found a turtle. I bet they’ll all like us then. Good plan guys. It worked out as one would expect, with Yao telling everyone what they did and them all being pissed, basically ignoring the fact that Yao was hiding the idol this whole time. Well, except for Kelly Kapowski, who sees it as a bad thing. But, I am pretty sure you could make him forget about by shouting, “Look at the pretty bird” over and over again. Hmm, actually…probably just once would work.
The immunity challenge came next and it was basically battleship, except much less exciting. Especially if we are talking Electronic Battleship. That was off the hook. I am going to leave the explanation of rules to cbs.com:
Testing their memory, each Survivor will secretly select three squares on a grid, horizontally, vertically or diagonally. The goal is to knock out their opposing teammate by guessing squares and bombing them one by one. The last person with squares still left on the board wins individual Immunity and is safe from the vote.
Thanks cbs.com! Oh, and Stacy won. See…I should leave most of this to cbs.com
Back at camp, BOO! decided that since the immunity idol seemed pretty easy to find according to the clue he saw, that Mokey or Alex could have it. He suggested splitting the votes three and three just to be safe. BOO! is basically admitting he is an idiot here. Armed with a clue he has described as easy, he still thinks that someone with no idea where it is may have a better chance of finding it. BOO! = DUMB!
Alex says that at tribal council, he is going to “go down swinging.” He says that being a lawyer makes him able to “use information strategically.” His performance at tribal council, however, has forced me to place him between “Mary-Kate Olsen” and “that guy who asked me for a quarter outside of the ATM this morning” on the list of people who I’d want representing me if I was on trial for murder. He said nothing of consequence. He did, however, vote for Mokey, which officially earned him the title of “most likely to have no soul” on the island.
With that vote, Mokey is gone…I wish I felt bad, but I really hated that guy.
Until next time.
Out-blow up, Out-his, Out-spot,
Wayne
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