First off, I want to apologize for not writing my newsletter last week...Things just got ahead of me and you didn't miss much anyways, except for the hot chick being voted off...I would have probably said something stupid like "Goodbye Dolly!" which I would have thought funny, but others may have not found it quite as humorous. Which makes no sense, since I rule.
Last night started off with some cattiness and dare I say bitchyness among the girls. No way...girls can be catty? First, Mia was pissed that Eliza voted for Dolly when everyone in her alliance was all "no, don't vote for Dolly." Then, Mia was pissed at Twila for saying they don't work hard. I have come to a conclusion....Mia sucks...You heard it first here folks.
The guys also had a little tension over in their tribe. Sarge hates reading and, therefore, hates Levar Burt...I mean Rory.
Sarge is all "Are you gonna start helping us build a house, Private Pyle?"
And Rory was all "Well, I have this wonderful book on building houses...come take a look its in a..."
"Do you think I'm cute Private Pyle? Do you think I'm funny?"
"I brought oranges"
BANG! Robocop!
"Butterfly in the sky, I can fly twice as high"
Jeff Probst blew my mind!!! The reward challenge was also an immunity challenge last night. I know what you're saying. "They've done that before Wayne." You know what I say? Stop interrupting, ass. Probst said that both tribes would have to be voting people off tonight. Crazy!!! The reward challenge would be followed by an individual immunity challenge where one member of the winning team could gain immunity from being voted off. There was something about gates and sand and locks and ladders....and then Lopevi (the guys) won the reward and John K. won the debate....err, ummm, the immunity. And then Probst seriously made me wet my pants. He then said that John K. would be going over to the ladies camp and could bestow his immunity on one lucky lady. Did he take sexual favors or anything cool like that? No, he divided up the group between the Dolly voters and the non Dolly voters. John K? More like "John Hey" as in "hey, you should ask for sexual favors." Is this thing on?
John P. (pee) and Brady, meanwhile, were trying to get Sarge to vote for Rory, since Sarge hates to read. The younger girls...Mia, Eliza, Julie, and Lisa...were all trying to figure out whether to vote for Twila or Scout. Since Mia is the loudest and the suckiest girl, she convinced everyone to vote for Twila....or did she? Or she did? Did or she? Muahahahahaha
The guys had the first tribal council and John P. (pee) was voted off, even though Brady continued to butter Sarge up in the tribal council. He said that Sarge was "a really personable guy" and "people should get to know him" and that he had a "really nice ass" and if they weren't on the island he would "date him." Regardless they voted off John P. (pee) and his weak ass Owen Wilson impression. That's what you get for listening to Linkin Park...sinner.
The girls' tribal council started off with John K. giving Ami the immunity necklace because she had the biggest boobs. John K? More like "John Way" as in "way to go." At the council...the whole Twila-Mia thing was brought up...Mia said that Twila was very mean and Twila said that she wanted to get her hair braided and her nails done because she didn't have a "feminiminim" side. Then she grabbed her package. The votes were counted and everyone was surprised that Mia received the majority. That means that someone switched...who could it be? Will we ever know? Who betrayed who? It's a mystery...actually, no its not. It was Lisa. I was a little disappointed that no one wrote "Mia? More like See ya" on their ballot. But I was also surprised that no one wrote "John 'drinks his own' P." on their ballot either. Writing stuff on ballots is fun...and I still can make Reading Rainbow jokes. Reading Rainbow is this year's Mortal Kombat...basically jokes that only I think are funny and therefore will be consistently using them and making people hate me.
Until next time
Outtwist, outshock, and out "Robocop better start being more vocal. I need to make more Robocop jokes. Robocop!"
Wayne
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