I have a riddle for you. What has, so far, been the most boring season of Survivor ever?
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Give up? It's this one. Hey, my strengths aren't in riddles, ok?
Last night started with Eliza, or as I like to refer to her, "Skeletor," yelling at Lisa for going against the tribe. Can you believe that? Talk about your classic case of pot and kettle. Good thing Lisa could invoke the power of Grayskull to overthrow the evil Skeletor. Her henchmen Beastor and Stinkor were no match against the power of good, and...huh? Yay! yet another joke that no one else will understand and I can beat to death. Just to catch you up...Lisa is Skeletor and...well, that's it.
In the real world, Lisa actually told Skeletor that she didn't trust her and Skeletor called her a bitch. I don't remember the word bitch ever being thrown around so carelessly on any other season of Survivor. You would think that would make it interesting....it doesn't.
Lopevi isn't faring much better these days either...especially Sarge and Levar Burton. Again proving that Sarge hates to read and Levar Burton hates to have a career after Reading Rainbow. John K. and Brady, fearing for their lives, were beginning to try and sway the older guys to vote for Rory based on the fact that they are younger and more athletic. Unfortunately, saying you are younger and more athletic than someone doesn't always win their favor...dumbasses. Plus, Rory and Sarge have belly power! Having Robocop on your team could come in handy too...hopefully they will have a challenge where the tribe members have to save cities of the future...I think he would really shine there.
When the guys received the tree mail for the reward challenge, it showed that the challenge would be like a memory game, to which Bubba responded "I'm so friggin good at these." Hmmm, I doubt it Bubba. There are probably some things you are "friggin good" at - shotgunning beers, making bologna sandwiches, wasting space - but games that test your brain? I don't know. The girls ended up winning because, well, they found more matches....stay with me. And what did they win? A black man. Yup....and I'm leaving that one alone.
They really did win a man...and his name was Dah. When he showed up at their camp, they were surprised that he didn't waste any time with pleasantries. I wasn't. You know why? Because when Lisa first met him, she said "hola." She actually said "hola." Lisa is now my least favorite person on this show. And she further cements this later...in 45 words...wait for it. So, Dah taught the Yasur tribe the ways of the island...how to gather food like an islander, fish like an islander, and love like an islander...oh yeah! Which explains why they were sad when he left. In fact, they were so sad, (here it comes) that Lisa broke into "It's So Hard To Say Goodbye to Yesterday" by Boyz II Men. See how they put a "II" in there instead of "to"...that's crazy! Seriously, she sang a gospel song when someone she just met yesterday was leaving. Gah. I mean, I can't like you if you do this...Lisa, you have won most annoying character on Survivor. What have you won? Weeks worth of ridicule...good for you.
Back at the guy's camp, Brady got the idea to try and fish to win the respect of his peers. Instead, he sucked at it. Looks like you didn't think this one through Brady.
Then came the immunity challenge. Another puzzle. This time each tribe picked one member to be the eyes and they had to put the pieces in a way that no symbols or colors were repeated in any row or column. It was way exciting. The Lopevi tribe picked Levar Burton to be their eyes, probably because they figured his eyes were strong from reading so much...the Yasur tribe picked Skeletor because she was evil and evil people always have good eyesight...The girls won and the guys lost.
So, now the younger guys had to try and fight to survive. I already explained their plan...didn't work. John K. continually told the older guys that he was more athletic and better looking than the other members. I can't believe that didn't work. Levar Burton also tried fishing, on land. When he was told "You won't catch anything that way!" He responded, "You know what I've caught? The reading bug!" BANG! Robocop!
So, at tribal council, of course, they voted out a youngster - Brady.
As an aside, although I think it is a stupid strategy and it could mean the death of my guy, John K., I gotta thank the older guys because they are getting rid of everyone that is tough to write about. If they succeed in getting rid of John K. (which I am not sure will happen since they look to be doing a merge thing next week), then all that would be left in that tribe would be Robocop, Meatloaf, Levar Burton, and Sarge....Seriously, that's a sitcom. This whole Lopevi thing has sort of a Revenge of the Nerds type vibe to it, doesn't it. "You know something. I'm out of shape and I'm old and, well, I'm pretty proud of it. No one will really be free until nerd persecution ends"
Until next week
Outflab, Outsuck, and Out-of-shape guys are taking over,
Wayne
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