SURVIVOR FLASHBACK: VANUATU EPISODE IX: WELCOME TO ESTROGEN CITY: POPULATION CRAP

OK, let me get this right off my chest. I do not like the women on this show, with maybe the exception of Guy-la, whose "woman" moniker is still questionable. True, the guys aren't much better, but there is something about this group of women, or as Sarge puts it so eloquently, "Estrogen city." I have been to Estrogen City, by the way. It's not bad if you can put up with all the traffic down the Ovary bypass. The ovary bypass! He shoots, he scores!
On with the show. Of course, the show started with the Paris Hilton cam revealing post-tribal council feelings. Sarge and the guys were not happy with Guy-la and hot Julie because they broke the alliance they had with them. Talking to the camera, Sarge said "They got me. Hats off to them." Thinking we were idiots, Sarge took his hat off to demonstrate what he meant. At the fire the next day was probably one of the funniest scenes in Survivor history. Sarge was sitting by the fire and Scout decided to sit down across from him and start singing. Scout's singing made Sarge make the face like Marky Mark in Fear. "Let me in the house!" Estrogen City! Scout is the worst. I mean, why is she still on that show? She's really old and has flabby grandma arms.
The reward challenge basically gave each tribe member a set of three skulls. The Probst would ask trivia questions about Vanuatu and each time someone got a question right, they could light someone's skull. If you ran out of skulls, you were out of the game. The winner won a picnic on top of a dormant volcano. Hey, Burnett, we get it...the island has a lot of volcanoes...enough already. So, of course, the women went after the men right away and knocked them out. Then, Scout and Guy-la teamed up on Skeletor. Skeletor wasn't happy about that, but Scout assured her it was because of her "brilliance." Yeah, her brilliance at sucking at everything. Yeah! YEAH! In the end, it was between Guy-la and Leann. If only one of the questions was about replacing your car radiator. Leann chose hot Julie to go with her.
Then there was an eruption....of fun!
While the girls were away, the guys talked about how to win over Skeletor to their tribe. "It looks like there is a rift between her and Scout," said Sarge. "Maybe we can use that to our advantage," Robocop pondered. "I like twinkies," Meatloaf mumbled. Robocop! BANG!
When hot Julie and what's her name got back from their picnic, they were all drunk and even more annoying. This was the exchange in the helicopter:
"I really love these people," said Julie
"Me too," answered Leann
"Maybe it's cuz I am drunk"
"Me too"
"I am so annoying and a big pile of lame"
"Me too"
Julie and what's her face brought back some chicken wings and, since the guys were out on the water, they could just give two to each of the girls. They told them to go eat them quick before the guys got back and then they offered the guys the bones. Hear what I said there? They gave two to each of the girls and none for the guys. Estrogen City! BANG! And we got a nice close-up of Scout gumming a chicken bone. And I am still trying to clean up the vomit stain on my rug.
When Skeletor went to pick up the tree mail, she noticed that there was a pig tied to the tree. She was having trouble leading the pig back to camp, and she said "I don't have much experience with animals,' To which I replied, "Oh yeah, what about Beast Man?" Yeah, I talk to my TV. Jealous?
Sarge and Guy-la had their machetes ready to cut off some bacon. "I can smell the fatback cookin' with my cabbage," said Sarge. The tree mail, however, said that basically they must take care of the pig as a pet. Except it said it in a more poetic fashion. I wrote a poem too:
Taking care of a pig
Is a big
Responsibility, so
Go
And Don't be slow
Or you will, umm, be a hillbilly
I am awesome. Seriously, nothing came of the pig. I don't really understand it. Hey, remember that pig from Green Acres, Arnold? That pig was so cool. His last name was Ziffel.
So, the immunity challenge was a puzzle challenge. I won't go into the specifics, but the guys were all out in the first round. Skeletor looked like she was good at it at first, but then at second, she wasn't. "Skeletor no like puzzles." Ami won and made her Ami face. Seriously, she makes this face like she knows everything. How about you pour me a Latte and shut the hell up! I hate her. Estrogen City!
So, the guys thought maybe they had a chance going into tribal council and pushed for it the whole time. Sarge was blaming Jules for snaking Guy-la. Snaking. She was snaked. Yeah. Anyways, it didn't work and Sarge was voted off and with that so goes our own "Sarge of HR," Ellen. We salute you. The weird thing was that of the three guys, Sarge voted for Skeletor, Robocop voted for Julie, and Meatloaf voted for Sarge. I like twinkies.

Until next time
Outconfuse, Out,um,pig?, and out-Estrogen City!
Wayne