So, this week has been a tough one to handle so far...Kerry lost, Pedro is up for free agency, Elton John is developing a sitcom, and now Survivor has deprived me of a major source of jokes...Damn you Probst! But more on that later.
Last night began with Lopevi returning from tribal council to talk about how they all trust each other. While they were discussing things, Julie cuddled up in between Sarge's legs...yeah...read that sentence again. I was kind of grossed out at first, but then I was kind of happy because it allows me to make this next ultimate joke...ahem...
"I wonder if Sarge's private was at attention"
See what I did there? His name is Sarge and, well....ummmm....is this thing on? This also led to a disturbing image of Sarge, Twila, and Julie sunbathing bottomless on the beach. The weird thing was...When both Twila and Sarge got up, they both left imprints on the beach that looked like an uppercase Q while Julie left no such impression...get it? Q that one may have been lost on a few of you...please do not ask me about it later. She's a man baby!
Back at the Yasur camp, Levar Burton was pissed because someone stole his copy of "Rumblefish." Well, ok....he wasn't. But he was upset because he feels that he and Scout are the only ones that do any of the work. Levar feels that Ami, Leann, and Skeletor just sit around on their collective behinds and do nothing. "Take a look, its in a book...and that book is all about me kicking your ass," he said. Skeletor!!!
The reward challenge had the tribe members in a line tossing buckets of water to each other and then filling another bucket with water, which would in turn raise up a flame to light a torch. God, explaining these challenges is my least favorite part of writing these. Does anyone mind if I just forego these minor details and instead focus on my running Skeletor versus Robocop storyline? It's off the hook. Well, anyways, Lopevi won milk, cookies, and chocolate cake. Seriously, could they have given them less cookies?
While they were enjoying their reward, Meatloaf and Robocop were talking about how if Sarge went to the final tribal council, that he would win. Meatloaf also said "Honestly, I think both of you have a leg up on me." They had a good laugh at that. Cripple jokes are funny. Robocop responded with "Yeah, and you'd have a big huge nasty belly up on me." BANG! In addition to his alliance with Robocop, Meatloaf also formed an alliance with hot Julie and Sarge. "If one of them goes, then I would still have two alliances left. And I will tell you, two out of three ain't bad. Two out of three ain't bad"
So, now together for the immunity challenge, the survivors were asked to drop their buffs because they are merging. Remember the days when the merge was exciting? No? I am a loser. So, now they were all fighting for individual immunity and they had to basically race up and grab flags on these platforms in the water and plant them back at the beach, one by one...with the winners of the first round going on to do it again in a final round. Robocop totally was robocopping it out when he almost fell off the platform and then grabbed it with his hands and pulled himself back on. It was hella sweet. Sarge ended up winning. BELLY POWER!
The new tribe then headed back to the Lopevi camp in high spirits. I am not making this next part up. Scout said that she was happy because she missed Twila in "places she can't talk about." Um, eww. I am now proceeding to vomit in my mouth. When they got back to camp, there was cheese and crackers and dried fruit and wine waiting for them. Him and Levar Burton shared a cup and reminisced, "Remember that time in Paris with that waiter. Oh, what was his name?" to which they both said in unison "Pierre." Again, don't ask me about it later. Anyways, actually, Levar was trying to get Sarge to vote off Ami with him...I wonder if his private was at attention...hahahahaha
Then they all painted a flag and renamed their tribe Alinta - which means fire people - thanks to Scout. Hippie. And they all started painting each other. My wife pointed out that Julie painted a heart on her with the word "Jeff" in the middle of it. I dismissed this as pure coincidence and she could not be talking about "The Probst," but it was later revealed that it was exactly who she was referring to. Julie is a prostitute.
The big question was whether the women would stick to their alliance or if "Guy-la" and hot Julie would remain loyal to their new alliance with the men. Guy-la...I can't believe it took me this long to come up with that one. In the end, they voted off Levar Burton, which makes me sad....
Butterfly in the sky I can go twice as high Take a look It's in a book A Reading Rainbow
I can go anywhere Friends to know And ways to grow A Reading Rainbow
I can be anything Take a look It's in a book A Reading Rainbow A Reading Rainbow ...sniff
Au revior Levar, au revoir. Just like that. At least I made it through without one Roots joke...good for me.
Until next time
Outmerge, Outbackstab, and please get the image of Guy-la and Scout out of my head!
Wayne
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