SURVIVOR FLASHBACK: VANUATU EPISODE VI: I WAS HATING THIS EPISODE, BUTT SOMETHING CHANGED MY MIND....IT WAS A BUTT

The show last night started with Levar Burton being all, 'You all need to respect my authoritay and not be such a bunch of idiots' to the other members of his tribe because he was upset Bubba had to leave before he could teach him how to read. So, he just starts being an ass to everyone in the tribe, which to me seems an awesome strategy. Chicks dig jerks. He actually continued this the next day as well, saying he was sorry for his behavior the night before, but he wasn't going to do any work unless he had a chance of going to tribal council. "Your sty is my sty," he said. So he also basically made fun of their camp too. Butterfly in the sky!

Back at the other tribe, while Twila was demonstrating the correct way to operate a power sander, her and Julie talked about how they were definitely a minority, especially Twila, being the only shemale.

Then they received some tree mail that said the reward challenge would involve mud.
You see, kids, back in the old days, the Vanuatuans didn't have access to wood like you and me, so they build their houses out of mud.
No they didn't Dad, they used sod.
Yes, and when they ran out of sod, they used mud.
I think I messed that quote up....moving on.

So they basically had to wrassle some muddy, stinky pigs and pen them...and I'm not talking about Anna Nicole Smith and Rosie O' Donnell . OH SNAP! I DID NOT JUST GO THERE! DID I? I DID. And they would win steak and eggs. PETA would have loved this one. Something tells me they were wishing they kept Bubba at this point. Lopevi jumped to an early lead, thanks to Meatloaf. Actually, once the pigs got a look at him, they basically surrendered.
I want pork.
I need pork.
But there ain't no way I'm ever gonna diet.
Now don't be sad, cuz two out of three ain't bad.
Yasur, meanwhile, was struggling because Robocop used the shiny metal on his leg to blind and confuse Skeletor, who was forced to quit due to a lack of evil henchmen. Robocop! BANG! So Lopevi won and ate steak and eggs. Oh, and John K. was there I think.

Levar Burton was psyched at Skeletor's ability to suck so bad. I mean, you gotta figure if
you go into a tribe with Skeletor and you are Levar Burton you would be thinking it is pretty much over. "I am an evil genius bent on world domination." "I have a copy of 'Superfudge' in my back pocket." Death! I wouldn't blame Skeletor one bit. But, incredibly, Levar saw someone else in the hot seat and was psyched.

Julie officially cemented herself as my favorite survivor by saying "I really need to tan my ass" and removing the bottom of her bathing suit. (I wish Tivo could erase those blurs. Not only would I see Julie's butt, but I would finally know what that says on Snoop Dogg's shirt in the "Nuthin' But a 'G; Thang" video.) Robocop responded by saying "Once you go cyborg, you never go, um, you never go...sensory overload! Abort! Abort!" Sarge tried to impress her with his ability to drool. John K. was there I think.

While Sarge and Twila were playing fetch the banana, Sarge invited Twila into his alliance. Sarge said he really liked Twila and would "put a dress on her because she is a lady." It sounded like he was really trying to convince himself. Probably because she was up on his shoulders and he looked up and saw...the truth. Finkle is Einhorn. Finkle is Einhorn!

The immunity challenge was an underwater one that seemed actually pretty tough. They had to move tiki pieces along a rope to the end and then people had to do the puzzle. Scout, of course, volunteered to do the puzzle because she is old and old people love puzzles, and denture cream.

Lopevi won because Leann couldn't do it. Skeletor was psyched because now someone else sucked. If suckiness was a mythical land, then Leann would be like Eliza's Hordak-not really as evil (or sucky) as Skeletor, but still able to whip She-Ra's ass. I loved Ram Man. Right? Right? Whoa. Um, go Red Sox.

And John K. was there I think.

At Yasur, Ami was not happy with Lisa. "There ain't room for four fake boobs on this island," she bounced. Actually Lisa said something that bugged Ami. Ami contends it was something about Lisa saying something about Ami not being there, but I suspect it was because she likes Boyz II Men. Don't you love how I have basically created this alternate Survivor universe? Pretty soon, it won't even have anything to do with the show and will probably consist of stories about Skeletor and Meatloaf in an epic battle with Robocop and that dude with the low voice from Boyz II Men. I'm working on the script now. It's a period piece.

Oh, so Lisa ended up being voted off. I hope we have all learned a valuable lesson here. Survivor is not a good show.

Until next time
Go Red Sox, Yankees Suck, and "St' Louis Cardinals? More like the St' Louis FART-inals"
Wayne