First off, let me apologize for not doing the newsletter last week. Due to the Thanksgiving holiday, I was vomiting up turkey and cranberry sauce from 8:00 to 9:00 last Thursday, but just to recap, what's her face was voted off. The End.
Anyways, after tribal council lastnight, Ami was pretty pissed at Guy-la because she swore on her son that she would not go against the alliance or something like that. Guy-la explained as so, "By son, I meant penis, so you can't be too mad at me." Then later she said to the camera, about hot Julie and Ami, "People like that just piss me off because they think they're so better than every- freakin'-body else. We have the power now. I have a great mind sometimes. I love it." And by mind, she meant penis.
Before the reward challenge, we got a nice close-up of Skeletor's skeleton. She was arching her back in a way that made her shoulder blades look like two dorsal fins, which was something. Having hardly any meat on her bones, Turkey loaf crossed her off of his "fun to eat" list. Probst drove up to the reward challenge in a brand new Pontiac G6. He said the winner of the challenge would win the car and would be joined by the second and third placers at a resort with food and showers. The challenge was basically going and retrieving flags in the water and making it back to put them up. Again with the flags. Scout, of course, had a hard time because she is old and old people aren't good at many things, except canasta and figuring out 10% of a restaurant bill. Skeletor ended up coming in first, with Ami and Turkey Loaf coming in second and third. They all piled into the Pontiac and headed to the resort. If I was Skeletor, though, I would have been all "Get your sandy ass feet out of Skeletor's new car before Skeletor call down the thunder on y'all." Skeletor drops it like its hot.
At the resort, Ami tried and tried to sway Skeletor saying how they needed to stick together because they were both pure evil. Turkey Loaf ate. Guy-la and Scout, meanwhile, were sure that Ami would try to sway Skeletor and Turkey Loaf would probably eat. Scout also said how she was mad at herself for being so bad at the challenges. If it was six years ago, she could have beat anyone on the island. Ah, to have the body of a 102 year old. Those were the days.
When the winners came back to camp, everyone was saying how good they smelled and how nice it was that Turkey Loaf didn't smell anymore. What do you guys expect? He is Turkey Loaf. My wife also said she thought Turkey Loaf would be handsome if he cut his hair. I immediately informed her she had a severe alcohol problem and needed to seek help if we were to make it.
Then came the immunity challenge. It was a shuffleboard thing where the tribe members had to land discs on these islands on a board and the person with the most discs touching an island won. Julie, your cruise director, got an early lead, but ended up losing to Turkey Loaf. I feel bad for Julie because she always comes so close to winning something, but then she loses. In fact, she lost twice to Turkey Loaf this episode. I would have given myself to the ocean at that point. So, Turkey Loaf won immunity and my wife's heart.
I wasn't sure which way Skeletor would go at tribal council, since she was wavering from time to time and did not seem to be liking Scout, which I am also feeling. You gotta suck when I am favoring evil incarnate over you. I am looking at you Scout. But not for too long, because it burns my retinas.
At tribal council, Ami and Skeletor shed a tear. Ami said she would miss Eliza and started crying. Then Skeletor said, "Skeletor cry? Skeletor love? Skeletor sad." Again,the subject of Guy-la's peni, um, son came up and she seemed to get a bit perturbed by it. "everyone lies" and "screw you" both came out. Then she peed standing up.
In the end, Skeletor stayed true to her alliance and voted off Ami.
Until next time
Outbackstab, Out-swear-on-your-penis, and Out (I miss Levar Burton, don't you?)
Wayne
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