"Shelter me, O Lord. I trust in You. In You I take refuge"
"Forgive them Father. They know not what they do."
- Jim Cavie...er...Jesus
"Shampoo is better. I go on first and I clean the hair."
-Adam Sandler
When Do-wrong returned from voting out Abraham, both Steph-man-ie and Jim Caviezel were feeling a little freaked out about being only a tribe of two. Their exchange went something like this:
Steph: STEPH-MAN-IE NO WANT TRIBE OF TWO. STEPH-MAN-IE SAD. WHEN SIGN ON WITH SON OF MAN, STEPH-MAN-IE FIGURE ALL SET. BUT JIM CAVIEZEL NOT SMART
Jim Caviezel: Ummmm...
Steph: STEPH-MAN-IE WANT WIN. WANT VICTORY! STEPH-MAN-IE GOOD AT SMASHING. BAD AT PUZZLES.
Jim Caviezel: Punky Power!
Steph: STEPH-MAN-IE HATE YOU
Jim Caviezel: Amen....burrrrrrrrrrrrrrp
The Probst: Ulong? More like do wron....dammit...someone else aready used that. Ulong? More like Don't do nothing right. Viva la Probst.
They suck.
The Koror camp, meanwhile, was becoming infested with rats. Pokemon master pointed out that it could be due to the giant shark head and coconuts lying around. I was going to make another Willard the rat king joke here, but last time it seemed to go over people's heads, so I will make a better joke. RATS EAT POOP! I choose you Pikachu! Also, Pokemon Master was really getting upset with the girls because they do nothing at the camp. I am upset because I heard him utter that he was a feminist. That just rubbed me the wrong way. I choose you unflattering underwear!
The reward challenge was one of those ones where they eat gross stuff again and again until they want to vomit...because that's what it takes to SURVIVE! Anyways, they had to eat these unborn bird fetuses...feti? It was Fire Marshall Bill and Aquaman versus Tweedle Dee and Tweedle-Jim Caviezel. They were playing for a basket of soap and mouthwash and toothbrushes and a 55 gallon drum of water for showering. It came to a tie and Fire Marshall Bill had to square off against Jim Caviezel in a time trial to see who could eat five unborn birds the fastest. You should save this newsletter because that will be the first and last time you ever hear that sentence. Jim Caviezel shoved all five in at once while Fire Marshall Bill Pepe Le Peu'ed them nice and slow...one at a time. Remember Pepe Le Peu? He was a date rapist. Fire Marshall Bill ended up winning of course, while Jim Caviezel, well, lost.
Jim Caviezel was not happy about this loss. Steph-man-ie said he was starting to scare her, because she always thought she had the most testosterone on the tribe. She said he was turning into a caveman. He said she was turning into a "GRUNT...OOGA...CHAKKA....YABBA DABBA DOO!" I really have no idea what she is talking about. He's also blowing snot rockets...and Jim Caviezel all of a sudden becomes someone I would like to stay. The snot type is the best kind of rocket.
Back at Koror, Fire Marshall Bill was upsetting some people because he wanted to conserve the water supply from the barrel and not use it for showers. "Let me tell ya something....let's drink this water...orrrrr WET T-SHIRT CONTEST! SHARK ATTACK!" Hot Jen decided not to speak up even though she wanted to take a shower. Have I mentioned she is hot?
Fire Marshall Bill and Aquaman then went off to talk about the alliance they made on Day 2 with Katie and Steph-man-ie:
Fire Marshall Bill: Steph-man-ie could be the wolf in sheep's clothing they don't expect
Aquaman: Oh, I don't like wolves
Fire Marshall Bill: Well, no, its just an expression
Aquaman: I can talk to fish, you know
Fire Marshall Bill: Yeah, so you say...
Aquaman: Oh, you don't believe me? Watch this...eeechee...erkeee...fickleee. I just told the fish to watch out for the wolf
Fire Marshall Bill: It's just an expression
Aquaman: You're an expression!
Fire Marshall Bill: That doesn't even make any sense
Aquaman: I love you
Fire Marshall Bill: I love you too
Steph-man-ie: HOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWLLL!
Bet you didn't see that coming.
The immunity challenge involved swimming under water and gathering bags and bringing them back to shore (Good for Do-wrong). In those bags, there were puzzle pieces that, when put together, created a giant word search puzzle (Bad for Do-wrong). When words intersected, the intersecting letter would be used to make a three word phrase. Do-wrong was in the lead, but they of course blew it when it came to the puzzle and lost immunity once again. The Probst explained that Steph-man-ie and Jim Caviezel would have to face each other that night at tribal council in an individual immunity challenge to decide who goes home. RATS EAT POOP!
When they went back to camp, both Steph-man-ie and Jim Caviezel talked about how weird it would be to be just a one person tribe. "I think Jim Caviezel does a lot that I can't do, so I don't know how I am gonna do it on my own," said Steph. "I am going to miss looking at her ass," said Caviezel.
At tribal council, the Probst said that the challenge would be a fire building one where the first person to make a flame big enough to light the torch hanging overhead would stay. Caviezel looked sure that he would win. I guess he forgot that he really sucks at everything, because he lost.
I missed his last words, because my DVR cut it off before he talked, but I assume it went something like this, "Ummmm...duhhhh...I like chocolate and playing Go Fish with my Nana. ARTICHOKES! Fish smell funny. If I were a tree, I would be the color blue. San Dimas High School Football Rules!" Probably something like that.
Until next time
Out-suck-as-bad-as-you-can, Out-really-you-are-not-good, and with-Out-the-direction-of-Mel-Gibson-you-can't-do-anything
Wayne
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