NEWS-VIVOR!

So, I just wanted to let you all know that Survivor was not this week due to the NCAA tournament. I am not completely sure what that is, but I think it has to do with fighting to the death on remote island. My My Little Pony tournament, however, is in full swing. Last night, there were a couple of close ones as the favorite Blossom overtook Butterscotch in a close victory and Moondancer in an impressive comeback reminiscent of Lemon Drop’s victory over Cotton Candy last year. I can’t wait until tonight when Snuzzle takes on Sprinkles…this one is a match-up for the ages. It’s also great because in the end, we all gather together – winners and losers – and brush each other’s hair. So, in a sense, we are all winners. Except that jerk Moonstone. I mean, seriously, how full of herself can one pony be? Wow, so you’re a unicorn. I’m really impressed.

Yeah.

So, yeah, it wasn’t on this week. But the fun doesn’t stop there. Its also not really on next week. You see, they are running a “Last 15 days” special which recounts the, um, last 15 days. And we have already lived through that, no? Writing about that show would make about as much sense as buying the second Steve Miller Band Greatest Hits album. You know, the one with Abracadabra on it. Keep me burnin’ for your love with the touch of a velvet glove. I seriously have no frakkin’ idea what that even means. Also, he wants to reach out and grab ya.

On April 2nd, the show will return with a new episode and everything will be back to normal. I suggest maybe taking the next couple weeks off work and just hiding out in your house/apartment/seaside shanty until this whole thing blows over. Here are some activities you can do to pass the time:

-See how many words you can make out of the letters in your first name

-Make paper bag puppets and have them act out the “Summer Lovin’” scene from Grease

-Take up Skeet shooting. And by Skeet, I mean Skeet Ulrich.

-Drink yourself into oblivion

-Write to your local congressman about how they should give out free lollipops at the voting booths.

-Tell your cat you love her.

-Bounce a ball as many times as you can in one day. Then, make a game out of it and see if you can beat your record the next day.

-Buy the album Ashes of the Wake by Lamb of God and play it on high speed, pretending it’s the Chipmunks. Hearing Alvin sing “Chastisement lays you down to sleep, tucks you in with bloody kisses. Gifts of nightmares bitter sweet” is worth it.

-Hand out Jack Chick pamphlets at your local train station.

-Stare into the abyss.

So, I hope this all helps and, seriously, this post was only going to be like two sentences.

Until then,
Wayne